BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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