Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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