If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
