I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Randomize
