Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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