i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize