when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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