I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
