i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
