I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
