At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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