No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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