The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
