p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
