1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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