Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize