I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
