In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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