Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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