Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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