I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
