i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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