he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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