Cold hands, warm shart.
Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
