I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
