whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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