We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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