just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
