do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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