I could have mohawked her pubes.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
