Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
why do cheetos always look like penises
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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