At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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