Have you finally orgasmed yet?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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