I hate your face
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
