so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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