My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
