is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Couch. On fire.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
