Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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