at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Randomize
