If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
