My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
im having a threesome with these popsicles
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
