i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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