i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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