I think im going to throw up on grandma
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
