we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
