I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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