No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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