On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
