I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
