So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
