Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
