You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
