The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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