Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
