Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
