wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
