We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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