Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
