Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He passed out mid-signature
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
