Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
