Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
