Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
