guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
