I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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