I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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