Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
