I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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