Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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