i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
