1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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